Lately I’ve been wondering about the term “Destiny” a lot. How do you know if something destined to be yours? Or not? How do you know whether God is testing your decision or He actually says no? We’ve been told that every human being already has their own destiny since the very beginning of their life. At one point, this destiny-thingy made me calm and believe in my own future. However, most of the time it got me worried about the future too much. Can’t God just bluntly giving Yes/No sign? Life would be so much easier, right?
Worrying about the future had turned me into someone who loves to be in control. If no one can guarantee my future, at least I can have it planned beautifully to minimize the damage, right? I planned here and there, pushed here and there. So much it wrecked my relationship. The idea of being with someone who has no similar plan obsession with me is a nightmare. How can someone be so chill and not worrying about his future? Our future? This cannot be right and should be changed to the way I want.
I was busy worrying about my future. Busy thinking that certain ideation of life in the future would bring me joy. Busy neglecting my present happiness for the sake of so called desirable and happy life in the future. Does it sound familiar to you? Until one day…
I had it planned. I had it perfectly potrayed in my mind. Things that I wanted to do and I wanted to pursue. Suddenly everything is wiped out by CoViD-19. Like who the hell imagined our generation’s force majeur would be a global pandemic? Cancellations became my new normal.
Three months isolation made me realize that you can spend your whole life planning things as perfect as you desire, as details as you can. But if The Almighty Planner has planned to say “No” to all of your plans, what would you do? That moment I took a step back and trying to put all the puzzles together. I realized I worry about the future too much and forgot that destiny is the result of both believe and effort. I was busy doing the effort but forgot to believe in Him. From that day, I vowed to focus on making the most of my present happiness and plan my future in moderation.
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is. And knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” – John Allen Paulos.
Nisadyr 