Why Berlin?
For people who don’t know me, that’s the first question they’d ask. But for those who do, they’d simply say, “Finally.”
As Jaime Lannister from my all time favorite series Game of Thrones once said:
“The things I do for love.”
My then-boyfriend, Ilham, had been living in Germany for years, first for university and later for work. We actually knew each other since junior high school, but we were only in a long-distance relationship since 2014. It was hard, but at the same time, it was easy. I’m not entirely sure why, maybe because it was with him.
When you’re a 25-year-old woman in Indonesia and not married, everyone around you seems to have a shared mission to remind you about it, constantly. It feels like there’s a deadline ticking away, and if you miss it, you’ll “expire” like a meal left out on the dining table. Looking back, I think it’s insane. 25 is still so young! But back then, I was as brainwashed as everyone else. Embarrassing…
When I turned 26, I started pestering Ilham about marriage. Of course, he wasn’t ready to make such a huge decision yet, he had just graduated and the timing wasn’t right. But I had been waiting for so long. Most of my friends were already married and even had kids. I love kids. I want to raise one too. It felt like the right time. I needed to make it happen.
Truth be told, when I applied for a Master’s in Legal Psychology at Maastricht University, it wasn’t entirely about academia. It was about being closer to him. So when the plan didn’t materialize, I admitted to myself that maybe the universe knew I had a hidden agenda.
But did I stop there? No. I needed to find another way.
After spending one year back at my first company, I began browsing LinkedIn and sending applications for recruitment roles at big startups in Berlin. It only took a week for one of the biggest fintech digital banks in Beelin to reach out. And their logo was pink! My favorite color! Somehow that felt like a sign from the universe.
During the recruitment process, they asked me why I wanted to relocate to Berlin. This time, I did not hid my reason. I said, “ Because I want to be with my boyfriend.” They offered me roles in London or Stockholm instead, but I stayed firm. It was Berlin or nothing.
The recruitment process felt like an obstacle course.
Stage 1: A quick recruiter call—nothing out of the ordinary.
Stage 2: A logical reasoning test. People on the internet had mixed opinions about it. Some said it was simple; others were offended they were rejected because of it. I didn’t overthink it, I just practiced. The test day arrived, and it wasn’t a simple online test as I’d imagined. Instead, I had a scheduled call with a recruiter who would monitor me via camera and microphone while timing my answers. It felt intense, but I scored 16 out of 18. Not bad!
Stage 3: A skill interview. My interviewer had piercings, an edgy haircut—very Berlin. The interview was a breeze since I’d spent the past year hiring software engineers.
Stage 4: A culture fit interview. I took it seriously, prepared with STAR method answers. I wanted to make every answer tie back to their values.
Stage 5: A team interview—one lead, one future colleague. It felt less like an interview, more like a friendly chat. I could see myself working with them.
Final Stage: A meeting with the VP of Engineering. This one felt intimidating, but I reminded myself that I’d worked with C-level executives before. The conversation was brief, professional, and…successful!
The final steps were reference checks and a credit score check (or in Indonesia we call it BI Checking). It felt excessive, but I passed without a hitch. When the offer letter finally arrived, it felt surreal. The entire process had taken only one month. I firmly believe that when something is meant to be, it will be.
When I told my parents about the offer, they were happy but also… worried. I mean it is Berlin, not Bandung, and most importantly Ilham was there, and we weren’t married. My dad was super stressed. He asked, “If you’re moving there, what’s the plan? How will he ensure your safety?”.
Later that day we had a call setup between me, my parents, and Ilham. As polite as he could, my dad was asking THE question (if you know, you know *wink*) Ilham’s response surprised me. He told my dad that he had already spoken to his parents. They suggested, “Why wait? Let’s get married.”
And just like that, we decided to get married in 1.5 months, before I left for Berlin.
Sometimes, I believe that when a path feels full of obstacles, it’s a sign it’s not meant for you. But when things align seamlessly, when doors open without force, that’s when you know you’re on the right path.
And for me, that path led to Ilham, Berlin, and a life I am still unfolding everyday.
Nisadyr 