Lately, I’ve been experiencing something completely new to me: feeling overwhelmed when people speak simultaneously. It’s a sensation I never really noticed before. At first, it just annoyed me. Now, it feels suffocating, as if I can’t breathe in those moments.
I’ve experienced being in an environment full of people who love to talk, a lot. Whenever it’s my turn to speak, it feels like they aren’t truly listening. Instead, they’re just waiting for their own turn to jump in. As a result, I’ve started wrapping up my ideas quickly, holding back my thoughts, and retreating into silence.
It’s funny, isn’t it? To be surrounded by so much talking, yet to feel so lonely.
Some people know me as a cheerful and talkative person, while others see a quieter, more reserved side of me. It’s not that I’m trying to be someone I’m not. I’m simply adjusting to the energy of the people around me. I’ve realized that I’m not trying to match their energy but to compensate for it.
These days, I could only bear one-on-one interactions. They feel richer and more meaningful than being part of a crowd where everyone is competing to be heard. I’m not sure if this change in me is because I’m getting older, slowly turning into a German, or simply because the environment is just too unbearably noisy.
When this kind of situation used to happen, I would try so hard to “fix” it, to find a way to make myself heard. But I’ve learned that some things are simply not within my control. Now, instead of battling for attention, I choose to speak effectively, say what I need to say, and continue listening.
Because if I’m not, then who will?
There’s a reason why God gave us two ears and only one mouth.
It’s okay, Nisa. You’re maturing.
Nisadyr 